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Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Sends In “Anti-Anti-Government Legal Hitman” To Convict Christian Evil Genius Of Stealing Own Car
Wednesday, June 8, 2005, 05:31 PM
Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Sends In “Anti-Anti-Government Legal Hitman” To Convict Christian Evil Genius Of Stealing Own Car
[Parody alert]

Cleveland -- “Let’s see what’s she got,” Assistant Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Daniel Kasaris said early Tuesday after blowing imaginary smoke from the tip of his finger. “I’m gonna take this bitch down and I don’t give a shit what it takes.” Kasaris said.

Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Bill Mason concurs: “I’m not too thrilled about being involved in this case – but Dan is our best anti-anti-government legal hitman. If [Kasaris] can’t stop Baumgartner, we’re gonna have to kill her.”

Kasaris, a North Royalton Ohio resident and attorney since1989 has been handpicked as a “special prosecutor” to the “Grand Theft Auto” case of Dr. Elsebeth Baumgartner in Erie County. He obtained an indictment on Baumgartner for “Grand Theft Auto” without even contacting the owner of the vehicle. Kasaris has not attempted to return the “stolen” vehicle to it’s rightful owner.


Kasaris was also handpicked by Erie County Prosecutor Kevin Baxter to present a case to the Erie County Grand Jury in order to have this writer indicted, but Kasaris' sham case was “no billed.” (Grand Jury refused to indict)

Baumgartner has been a controversial figure over the last four years after she represented Krista Harris, a young female who accused the Erie County Prosecutor of raping her while she served as a murder trial witness in 1994. Attorney Baumgartner refused to back down after witnessing blatant prosecutorial misconduct and was eventually barred by judicial order from the Erie County courthouse by an Ohio Visiting Judge handpicked by the Erie County Prosecutor to adjudicate Krista Harris’s retaliatory theft case.

“[Baumgartner] is a ridiculous, fantastical conspiracy theorist,” says Kasaris, who was actually handpicked by Erie County Prosecutor Kevin Baxter to oversee Baumgartner’s case, “I don’t care if she has a genius IQ, is the president of a DNA analysis company, a law school valedictorian, and a biotech patent transfer attorney. She thinks that I’m on this case to over prosecute her or fabricate charges at Kevin Baxter’s request. I’m not here to do either. I’m here to get her under control by putting her in jail.”


Kevin Baxter Elsebeth Baumgartner

While records show that Kasaris actually was handpicked by Kevin Baxter, Kasaris denies any connection: “It’s just hogwash. Pure defamatory hogwash.”

Baumgartner’s grand theft auto indictment resulted from an incident on the night of May 20, 2005 wherein she is accused of eluding Bay View Police officers who were attempting to serve what Baumgartner called a “sham bench warrant” at Terry’s Tavern in Bay View. Records show that the warrant was unsupported with a sworn charge. Part Time Bay View Police Chief Helen Prososwki, after lying to the Port Clinton News Herald about whether or not a privately owned vehicle was involved in the pursuit claims that her officers followed the law that night.

Baumgartner disagrees with Erie County authority’s version of events.

According to statements Baumgartner made to police officers and supporters, she simply drove to Huron County in order to get a proper hearing to examine the validity of a bench warrant held over her head to harass her and keep her from her family in Oak Harbor Ohio. “I didn’t flee. If I fled, where was I going? Home? I drove east – but I have homes in Michigan and Oak Harbor. I was going someplace where I would be treated fairly. The minute I got there, I was going to turn myself in. As you can see Bay View authorities broke the law in order to prevent me from getting that hearing.”

“The fact is, she didn’t get that hearing, and now I’ve got her in my guns sites,” says Kasaris. “I’m telling you, I’m gonna nail this bitch to a cross.”

Baumgartner says that her entire case is retaliation for her whistle blowing on financial misconduct within the Erie County Prosecutor’s office, but Kasaris disagrees: “To me, this case is about control. I have an ego the size of a football stadium and putting this Amazon blonde in jail is gonna get me off. As Cuyahoga County’s anti-anti-government legal hitman, my whole purpose is to stop people like Baumgartner.”

Records show that Baumgartner was incarcerated in the Ottawa County Detention Facility without bond or notice of any charges for 12 days. She was released by an Ohio Visiting Judge after admitting that she left the state of Ohio without notifying her probation officer.

“Personally I think the judge went light on her,” Kasaris said in regards to the restoration of Baugartner’s probation in Ottawa County. “If I were the judge I would’ve given her at least 2 years in prison for simply questioning my authority.”

Some say Baumgartner’s case is the result of an Ohio criminal justice system run amok.

“What has this woman done besides criticize [Erie County Prosecutor] Kevin Baxter?” said Sandusky resident Jim Flannerty. “Everyone knows that Kevin Baxter is a coke head. When authorities react this way, they only confirm that what she’s saying about them is true.”

But not everyone agrees with Flannerty. “We can’t allow people to question our authority,” says Kasaris, “the government is the ultimate authority, and if that authority is questioned, I’d be out of a job.”

Kasaris has a reputation of being a straight shooter in Cuyahoga County. He successfully prosecuted a Pharmacist in 2001 for giving viagara to a 25 year old coworker in exchange for sex. But no illegalities like that are happening in the Baumgartner case according to Kasaris. “We want her, and that’s that. We’re gonna get her. She’s gonna be a notch in my belt so help me God, If I have to make a charge up, I’ll do it. [Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Bill] Mason’s counting on me.”